confession – solsc #2

Three years ago I began fireflytrails when I entered into the 2012 March writing challenge at Two Writing Teachers. I am forever grateful for this opportunity to put my thoughts and dreams of writing into action. Nervous and unsure if I could really be that consistent with this task, somehow I have managed to complete the March SOLC for three years as well as offering many Tuesday postings in between. And I have “met” some fellow travelers in this writing journey whose words I crave because they resonate so fully in my own field of thinking. I have been looking forward to this fourth year and am so excited that it has begun.

I knew that the SOLC could offer what I needed to “get back in shape” with my writing routine, and I have been longing to do just that. I haven’t written as much during the past year. There have been reasons:

  • sorting through files and memories of 34 years in preparation for last May’s retirement;
  • enjoying the privilege of having our daughter Beth and son-in-law Jamie live with us for four months as they remodeled their newly purchased home;
  • celebrating the engagement of our son Mark to his fiancé Landon;
  • the birth of Beth and Jamie’s first child, our precious granddaughter Madison;
  • “working” daily as babysitter and packager for Beth’s stationery and paper business during her busy fall and Christmas season;
  • planning a wedding, easy from the groom’s side, and hosting an engagement party for almost one hundred friends to come and share our enthusiasm;
  • being diagnosed with breast cancer and having surgery and follow-up radiation treatments;
  • serving as the chair of the local Library Foundation board for this year;
  • keeping up with the reading that comes with being a member of two book clubs and a weekly Bible study.

So yes, there have been other things going on in my life these last few months. Plenty of reasons why I had not been writing. But truly, they are only excuses. And more importantly, I realized that I had not processed these occasions and activities fully because I had not written about them. In a magical kind of way, writing about my experiences in the past three years has transformed my lists of life events and milestones into a weightier substance that has been absorbed into the fabric of what makes me, me.

But, I tried to rationalize (more excuses), I have been writing in a different kind of way since the beginning of this year. Writing by hand has always proven frustrating for me – instead, I relish being able to write, correct, and reformat my words on the computer. Yet since January 1, 2015, I have been using a journaling devotional book which provides a scripture, a word from the author, and a space for me to handwrite my response to what God is saying to me within that day’s meditations. And I have kept a journal of days, again by hand; brief thoughts on my insights into each day – not a recounting of events but more of a description of feelings and understandings that have manifested themselves along the way.

So I have been doing some writing. Maybe I haven’t done so badly after all, I tried to tell myself. Yet I have run from the accountability that this outlet provides. I have sorely missed the way that putting my ideas into words and then crafting those thoughts further has helped me discover the true essence of who I really am. Honesty has been draped with busy-ness and excuses along the way.

Yes, this is time-consuming, mind-straining, commitment-seeking work. But I feel better already.

And there are so many things waiting in line to be examined and woven more permanently into the tapestry of my life.

6 thoughts on “confession – solsc #2

  1. Ramona says:

    What a challenging year. Like you I need the accountability that this community provides, and I treasure the way it has provided a place for me to examine and weave the tapestry of my life through words. Welcome back!

  2. WW Erin says:

    It’s only day 2 and I feel better already too. Like you I keep a handwritten journal, but it’s not constant and it’s not for the public. It’s for processing, which is a very different kind of writing. I’ve had a number of blogs in the past, but as much as I hate to admit it, I need and appreciate the accountability of this group. Happy writing!

  3. arjeha says:

    You have had a challenging year. Hope things can settle and all is well with you. It is so easy to find excuses not to do something…I know because I am a master at it myself. I look forward to reading more of your posts,

  4. I join in your struggle of the ‘stuff of life’. I am very curious about your journal and writing by hand thoughts about what God is teaching you. Congrats on your grand-daughter and your son’s engagement. Jeff, my son just got engaged too…it is pretty sweet that he is excited about planning…I would never have thought. We also welcomed a new grand daughter. I welcomed the challenge of March slicing, but my broken arm is still healing. I’m sorry that you faced breast cancer this year. xo

  5. Leigh Anne says:

    Those are what I call life moments, and you have had some major ones. I think writing can sometimes be a personal thing and it sounds like you have found your personal space through your journal and notebook. slicing gives us another avenue to share words, and I am glad you have decided to share with us too.

  6. […] giving reasons for not writing as much lately, I should have included the fact that I have been sending a lot of […]

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