One night we were making a quick trip to the grocery when my husband’s phone rang just as we pulled into a parking space and were about to get out. His phone is connected through bluetooth to his car, so the caller was on speaker phone. It was our contractor, calling about a small piece of tile that needed to be re-grouted in our bathroom remodeling job. I was ready to get this grocery chore behind us but my husband motioned for me to stay. The conversation went like this:
How are you, man?
Good, good – and you?
Doing great. Hey, I got your message.
Yeah, well, about that grout.
Yeah. Well, I checked on it.
Well, Terry had the same color as you.
Yeah, just what you need.
Well, he doesn’t have any more of that grout.
Yeah. So I checked on what I have.
Yeah. I don’t have any either.
Well, did you check to see if you had some left there at your house?
Yeah, I don’t have any. I looked everywhere.
Well, I did find the color name.
Yeah, it was Beige Buff.
Yeah. Is that what Terry had?
I think so, but I am not sure.
Yeah, it doesn’t matter, ‘cause he doesn’t have any more.
Well, we can try to match it.
Yeah? How’s that?
Well, we can mix up some of what we do have.
Well, would that work?
Well, I don’t know.
It might not match.
Well, I guess I could buy some more.
Yeah. But you have to buy so much for such a little job.
Yeah, but I do want it to match.
Yeah. Me, too.
Well, that might be best.
Yeah. I guess I’ll get some.
Yeah, that’ll be good.
When can you come and fix it?
Well, let me see.
Well, don’t make a trip just for that.
Well, OK. I should be up that way next Tuesday.
Well, that will give me time to get the grout.
Well, do I need anything else?
Naw, I don’t think so.
Well, I guess I will see you then.
Yeah, I’ll have the grout then.
Yeah, next Tuesday.
Yeah, next Tuesday.
Well, we will see you then.
Yeah, thanks for checking with Terry and calling me back.
Yeah. Sorry that didn’t work.
Well, that’s OK, this will work fine. Then we will have more if we ever need any.
Well, thanks again.
Yeah. See you next week.
The only thing I omitted were the long pauses in between comments. I thought I would go crazy listening. But honestly, this is what it sounded like. You can’t make this stuff up.