getting better

After I read perfect poetry in Guyku by Bob Raczka I was troubled by this piece I had written:

 

    After Spring Break

back to the routine

choosing necessary things

searching for surprise

 

Haiku is easy – right?  Maybe the syllable count is simple, but finding the passion can be tricky…

This one is just not right, especially the last line. So I have pondered, and thought, and imagined, and wondered, and mulled it over, and deliberated, and contemplated and sighed. The right words just won’t come.

What I wanted to say was that there was joy in the days I had some freedom to choose my activities during Spring Break. I didn’t take a trip, and yet I was never idle. And I could look back on each day and see how different it was from the others. I could find the joy in that day and be thankful for its uniqueness. And I guess I just wasn’t ready for that to end.

Here’s my new attempt:

After Spring Break

Back to the routine.

No more serendipity –

Expectations rule.

 

Better? I think so. Heartfelt? Oh, yes.

So now I can move on to other things.

2 thoughts on “getting better

  1. pamelahodges says:

    Hmmm, I wonder why you like version number two better.
    I find the last line so final, Expectations rule. It does’t let me think. It is telling me. Like the expectations are the boss.
    The first one you wrote has magic, no punctuation, choosing and searching, I found joy in the first one.

  2. Thanks for thoughtfully considering this piece. I agree that the first one evokes a better feeling, but the second one mirrored the way I really felt having to give up the freedon of those days!

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